🔗 Share this article

I have been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made more effort toward our bond, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few close to her have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more each other more, yet I realize my position between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is planning a holiday to a country I've visited on several occasions even called home previously. I attempted to provide advice, but this was unappreciated. She really solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just ended 30 days there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can understand the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. Finally is to ask ways you together can shift the dynamics between you."

Consider your friend has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly effective to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a version about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. But she may at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.